


the face is crying again, and the sun is shining so beautifully

by oiru



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 08:57:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15311997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oiru/pseuds/oiru
Summary: "Did you know that the best sunsets are in Wakanda?"The face is crying again."Even if it's raining."And the sun is shining so beautifully.





	the face is crying again, and the sun is shining so beautifully

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [снова лицо рыдает, а солнце светит так красиво](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/398139) by Межгалактический Придурок. 



> Thank you.

When Bucky proudly shows off his with 1A and agenda, Steve thinks that this painful heart will finally refuse to serve his body, because his feelings are just such — it breaks away from the mesh of capillaries and flies down, ripping the lungs open, piercing the stomach and exploding into a myriad of glass shards, shooting at all organs. Steve thinks that now he will have another asthma attack - this one is definitely  
the last - and fall down in a dead faint under Bucky's feet. Such a beautiful, dressed spick and span in a brand new form, who is smiling radiantly and a little scared. He is waiting for support, not the corpse of his best friend.

Steve gives him this support.

Steve smiles and congratulates. Steve pats him on the back and says _"great, Buck!"_. Steve snatches the agenda from Bucky's hands and with a fake, such a fake _(noticenoticenotice)_ interest to consider. Steve says that he is happy for him and does _(not)_ joke that now he has no chances in front of the girls. Bucky laughs back and says that they will definitely find him a girlfriend.

As if Steve needs some kind of a girlfriend there, when Bucky any day now can catch a playful lead, running across the field or sitting in ambush.

He is not ready to lose his family. Not again.

***

Suddenly, all the problems become so... insignificant. As if he was worried about a split lip, while his leg was getting torn off. 

_"That's all that remains of the 107th Infantry."_

He hears.

_"The rest were killed or taken prisoner."_

He hears. And he begins to pray.

_"It seems that this name was mentioned. I'm sorry"._

He doesn't want to hear.

Suddenly the whole body becomes heavy. He sees black-and-red sparkles under his closed eyelids, spasms in his brain. But only for a second.

The idea to organize a mission comes to his mind almost immediately and seems so logical and the only correct one that immediately develops into a goal, and Peggy turns into a reliable ally from a hysterical girl, which can do nothing but rejoice. And this is just into the hands. he plane is still more convenient than walking, because wherever Peggy is, there's Howard with her.

It's not scary to hear shots overboard, it's not scary to jump in the dark unbeknownst where from a height of hundreds of meters, it's not scary to be noticed sneaking around alien base full of Hydra soldiers. It's not scary to fight and shoot back, it's not scary to hear the whistling of bullets in your ears, it's not scary to see more and more black uniforms with red stripes. It's scary to be late, it's terrible not to be in time, it's horrible not to find and never find out about anything. 

Steve does not know what he wants more - to laugh or burst into tears. To exhale the anxiety accumulated for weeks and tighten the steel hoops on the lungs more tightly. Bucky is alive. Bucky is alive on the operating table in a room full of hideous equipment, repeating his serial number and name. Not recognizing at first.

— I thought you were dead.

— And I — that you were taller.

But still, Steve laughs and exhales. And cries just a little.

***

When Bucky is thrown at the crumpled side of the car by explosion, Steve does not feel anything but adrenaline rage swaddling the brain. Until that moment, as the shield knocks off that guy with strange guns. And then the waves overhelm in adrenaline horror. Breathing immediately becomes harder, legs and hands do not tremble just because the brain pulses with one single thing - save Bucky.

And the next second there is no one left to save. The death cry of the most precious, the nearest, the last, echoes in his ears again and again, while Captain America squeezes the handrail with all his might, trying not to yell in response, not understanding what he wants more - to return Bucky or fly after him.

_"It would be better to fly,"_ Steve thinks, directing the plane to the ice, to the water and the cold. Now it's the end for sure.

***

...and he opens his eyes. In the new century. With new people. In a new world.

The world without Bucky.

***

When the mask flies from the soldier, Steve doesn't understand. Doesn't believe. Can not believe. The war has weaned from a miracle, weaned from dreams, weaned from hopes.

And he wants to hope so badly.

_"Bucky?"_

_"Who the hell is Bucky?"_

Steve doesn't know whether he fell apart again with a crash, crumbled and melted along the asphalt, which, after their bout, couldn't be saved, or vice versa, gathered from these same pieces and fragments into an irregular, angular figure, which once used to be Steve Rogers.

***

When he looks into Bucky's eyes in an apartment in Bucharest, he has not just one crime and an armed detachment of prepared and trained fighters on his tail. And Steve knows that time is short, time is so fucking short, and he wants... just to stay with Bucky, stay with his Bucky, you know?

It only turns out to fight with him side by side. Not the worst option.

***

Steve thinks that he re-betrays everything he believed in for decades with every strike of the shield that hits Stark's chest. The edge of consciousness clings to the thought that somewhere behind him there is Bucky, lying on the concrete covered in blood, with his hand torn off from the root. Bucky, who probably suffers from pain. Again. And this thought makes him hit even more angrily. 

When the shield clangs to the floor and the echo rushes through the room, Steve doesn't feel anything but the weight of Barnes resting on his shoulder. They are like a couple of crutches - both are piled on top of each other, trying not to fall. There is quinjet waiting above, but they still have to get to it. Steve thinks that's what the chop feels like before cooking. And Bucky seems to have broken the wrist of a living hand.

Steve is sure that there must be a first aid kit on the chopper. He will come up with something for sure.

***

When Bucky announces his decision to go back to the cryosleep, Steve, of course, supports it. Steve smiles, and says _"if you think it's right."_  
Steve smiles and says _"if that'll make you feel better."_  
Steve smiles and says nothing, hugging Bucky for a long time in the corridor, right outside the door of Shuri's laboratory. Shuri is a good girl. She's smart, she'll help. Do you hear, Stevie? Everything will be fine, I'll be back, Steve, I'll definitely be back.

Steve does not smile and cries, feverishly stroking Bucky's face with his lips. The only hand hugs him as hard as both could. He will return. He promises to return. He _will_ return.

***

Bucky does not look bad, as he says. He looks healthier, more muscular, except for his eyes, where the long-melted and rusty fatigue from constant wars is splashing again. Steve embraces him - awkwardly, in front of everyone - he wants to hug for as long as time permits, do not let go until the start of the battle, and even there - keeping in sight.  
He receives a quite _"I missed you"_ in his ear, but backs off before he could answer.  
But Bucky doesn't need to hear anything, he already knows.  
It's Bucky.  
His beloved Bucky.

***

...who comes out from behind the trees with a rifle raised upwards, and Steve, it seems, has never experienced such relief. Not just a stone falls from his shoulders, but a whole mountain range with all the bridges, cable cars and a couple of villages. Steve instantly seems to be that snotty boy from Brooklyn who wore suspenders with fussy big suits and an inhaler in his pocket, and Bucky was so tall and impossibly handsome that his heart stopped with just a gaze of bluish-green eyes. He was always dressed in his finest, and smelled with freshness and pine needles. And then - with dust and gunpowder.

And then Bucky takes a step and calls him by his name. His voice sounds cautious and a little scared. He was afraid of not seeing Steve alive too. 

And then he takes a step, but his foot doesn't touch the withered leaves that have covered all the forest's ground.

And then he flies with his face forward, but only a rifle lands on the ground with a deaf rustle.

And then he scatters away with dirty-brown ash, settles like the first snow on rotten leaves. Merges with the ground.

And then Steve falls on his knees, air in his lungs and thoughts in his head just to exhale a hoarse: "My God." And it seems like Steve himself has scattered like dust on this cold, lifeless earth. It would be truly better just to dissipate, scatter, mix with Bucky's atoms, as they once mixed their souls. He would rather fall down next to him and never got up again, he would rather die with him, would rather...

And then later does not exist for Steve anymore.


End file.
